Light at the End

Recently I found myself talking to someone who has a friend who is just about to embark upon a life with an ostomy. A shock ostomy - one which comes out of the blue, and which feels like a worsening rather than an improving addition to one's life. It's easy for me to forget how hard it is for some people to deal with this, as it was such a positive thing for me. But I can easily remember how difficult the early days were, and how my dark tunnel seemed to have no end. 

It does of course have an end, and there is light there. This is my promise. It'll get better. The leaks will stop, the nights will get better, the anxiety will improve. A robust attitude to potential problems will insulate you from those problems, a practical approach will ease your transition back into a normal life. 

I can't tell you how to improve your mental health but I can tell you a bit about the physical changes which will happen for the better, and the learning path you will take.

Firstly, your stoma will change shape and size, possibly quite drastically. And possibly both ways - bigger, then smaller, then bigger again, then smaller again. In the early days it'll change so much that you'll need to keep measuring it over and over. If you cut the hole in your flange too big, it'll leak. If you cut it too small, it'll leak too, because the flange won't sit well. So you really need to measure it each time and you may waste a few flanges until you become an expert with the scissors.

My stoma went down from 35mm to just 17mm gradually, and I bought a cheap and cheerful plastic (washable) vernier scale so that I could measure it easily. Once my stoma stopped changing, I started being able to ask my supplier to cut my holes to 17mm and now a leak is a distant memory.

Next, you will find a product which suits your lifestyle and this may require trial and error. I have an active lifestyle, and I find that the more I cycle, the more I swim, the more my flange deteriorates. I use Coloplast Sensura flanges which resist sweating and which shrug off water. The Hollister flange is more comfortable, but they don't work so well for my lifestyle so I don't use them. Use what works for you.

Finally, you will become expert at changing your appliance. To begin with I didn't let the barrier wipe dry properly, I didn't line my flange up properly, I didn't press it against my skin firmly enough, I didn't clean the adhesive remover off entirely, and as I said already, I often cut my hole the wrong size. I could fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in a mess. I could be driving along and find a creeping warm wetness invading my concentration, when I was 30 miles from the nearest motorway services. 

But these days passed. Whilst you are waiting for them to pass you will deal with a few "emergencies" yourself which, if you look at them positively, will teach you that yes, you can cope with them. Maybe coping isn't too pleasant but you need to remind yourself that there are worse things which can happen. You've already coped with worse things. You've done brilliantly to get this far, and the minor hiccups are easy.

At the end of the day it's only poo, and a warm, comforting shower is only a short way away.